Three More Grownup Books

47. Practically Perfect in Every Way by Jennifer Niesslein

I’ve been thinking about happiness since last summer. I’ve read books on happiness and taken notes on happiness and tried out happiness theories.

Jennifer Niesslein has spent the same time and energy on what to me seems like a bigger idea: virtue. Can I become better? she asks herself in this book. Niesslein spends no time attempting to define virtue for the larger society nor does she spend any time plotting out the best ways to become more virtuous. Instead she focuses strictly on trying to improve herself. She spends little time trying to discover the best ways to improve herself, either. She seems, rather, to just pick up and try whatever is closest at hand.

She fails. Yes, she fails, over and over again. She doesn’t become tidier. She doesn’t save money for retirement. She doesn’t lose much weight. Worst of all, she doesn’t become much happier; instead, she becomes filled with anxiety and fear, begins to suffer from panic attacks, and starts sleepwalking. She flat out writes, “It’s hard to change who you are, if it’s possible at all.”

She admits this, but nevertheless seems to find the entire experience worthwhile. When she hit rock bottom, she ran across a guide to Zen. Something in the book helped her. So she leaves us with the thought that it was all worth it.

I am not really sure that Niesslein’s book should be taken as anything more than one person’s adventure with self-help. From the start, she was trying to change too many things too fast using too unfocused a method. Oh well. It is not a book that changed my life, but I did enjoy reading about a person trying to become better even if it was just to publish a book about the process.

50. What Shamu Taught Me About Life, Love, and Marriage by Amy Sutherland

 

I should have taken notes while I read this book.

 

Sutherland is sent to write a newspaper article about exotic animal trainers. In the process of writing the article, she realizes that the training techniques of the animal trainers are the same ones we humans use, albeit unconsciously and not very well, on our spouses, our friends, and our children.

 

This book is Sutherland’s attempt to show how she was able to take the methods of the trainers and purposefully apply them to change situations in her own life.

 

Is it really that easy?

 

Well, of course not.

 

But if Sutherland thinks it has made her a better person, a happier person, than I think it is worth it for me to go back through the book and take notes and try some of these things out.

 

Here are my notes:

 

“It’s never the animal’s fault.”

 

“Train every animal like it’s a killer whale,” as if you can neither move it by force or dominate it.

 

“Everything with a mouth bites.”

 

“Reward the behavior you want and ignore the behavior you don’t want.”

 

“Any interaction is training.”

 

“Don’t take it personally. See behavior as just behavior.”

 

“Set your animal up for success.”

 

“People, like animals, aren’t wired to learn lessons when they are out of sorts.”

 

“Punishment produces hatred, fear, desire for revenge, aggression, and apathy.”

 

“Keep your animals happy.”

 

“If one method of training isn’t working, try another.”

 

“Least Reinforcing Scenario”

 

“Incompatible behaviors.”

 

“Go back to kindergarten.”

 

52. Blood by Patricia Traxler

 

My ears perk up when I hear the phrase “my favorite book.”

 

I just can’t resist reading a book when I hear it is someone’s favorite.

 

I can easily see the draw of this book. Norrie Blume is involved in a compelling stay-go relationship with a man who has a firm commitment to his wife and children. Norrie also develops two equally compelling relationships with two women, relationships that both satisfy and frustrate her, much like her relationship to the married man. Norrie is an artist; she is able to bring all the joys and difficulties of her life into her paintings. It is fascinating for the reader to watch Norrie paint her joys and difficulties into objects of beauty and horror.

 

That’s what I liked about the book. But there was much I did not like. I found it difficult to believe that after two years of an affair, the wife never caughts on. Blood was tossed here and there throughout the story, and was often tossed into places that filled me with revulsion. I never saw the attraction of Norrie to the married man. Despite these qualities, I dove into the book and read page after page, hoping for an ending that would draw everything together. This ending did not happen. The ending was very unsatisfactory to me. Everything was left broken. It was not clear how Norrie finally managed to let go of the boyfriend. It was not clear how Norrie’s admirer was finally able to let go of Norrie. The ending felt very jumbled; the ending felt like the author got tired and tried to finish everything up by sewing together all the questions, but not in a way that seemed justified by the story.

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