Thanks! and Three More
194. Thanks! How the New Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier by Robert A. Emmons
Emmons serepititiously began to study gratitude during a conference on the classical sources of human strength: wisdom, hope, love, spirituality, gratitude, humility; he signed up for humility but was assigned gratitude. Emmons was surprised to find that by practicing gratitude, people can increase their happiness. Apparently, the brain can not experience both negative and positive emotions at the same time. Emmons proposes ten ways for adults to practice gratitude: keeping a gratitude journal; remembering the bad parts of the past and being grateful for getting through those times; asking three questions (”What have I received from ___?” “What have I given to ___?” and “What troubles and difficulties have I caused ___?”); learning prayers of gratitude; “coming to your senses”; using visual reminders to be grateful; making a vow to practice gratitude; using the language of gratefulness; going through the motions; and thinking outside the box for things for which to be grateful. He also calls for gratitude training in childhood, in order to develop a tool that will foster well-being.
195. Lost on Planet China by J. Maarten Troost
Just in time for the 2008 Olympic Games, I get a behind the curtain look at China. And that look at China is not pretty. Despite all attempts to appear as a modern nation, China’s leaders continue to rule the country with an iron hand. The law is wielded despotically and seemingly at a whim. Capitalism has somehow managed to sneak into the country, but it is an ugly capitalism, run with the tired hands of a weary people desperate to make a living and with side effects of rampant pollution that threatens the air and water of every large city in China. And there are people, people, people everywhere, one and a half billion altogether, with all the horrors that such a large population brings.
Not a place I wish to visit.
196. Queen of the Road: The True Tale of 47 States; 22,000 Miles; 200 Shoes; 2 Cats, 1 Poodle, a Husband; and a Bus with a Will of Its Own by Doreen Orion
After the virtually joyless trip I just took with Troost in Lost on Planet China (not Troost’s fault…China is just not a pretty world these days), I was happy to climb aboard with Doreen Orion in Queen of the Road and travel around the (relatively) clean U.S. of A. Orion’s husband convinces her to buy an enormous bus, convert it to a travel-mobile, and set out on a yearlong adventure across America. Orion is a fun traveling companion and seems to find every quirky spot and person in the country. A great summer read.
197. A Death in the Family by James Agee
There are good reads that satisfy and are thoughtful and have lovely writing. And then there are the truly great reads that leave the reader longing to start the book over and reread it just as soon as one turns to the final paragraph. A Death in the Family is a great read.
The story is very simple. Jay Follet, the dad and the husband in the family, receives a call from his brother that his father is very ill and is near death. Jay goes to be with his father and on his return is killed in an automobile accident.
But there is so much more to this book that makes it a great read. The writing is beautiful, filled with wonderful words and phrases that feel fresh and new without feeling artificial. Agee gets inside each character’s head so that each character seems unique and genuine. The reader is left with the mysteries of the story that so often occur in real life: Had Jay been drinking when the accident took place? Was Jay’s father really seriously ill and, if not, why did Jay’s brother call? What will happen to Jay’s wife and children? How will the accident change their lives?
A must read.
1 | Comment (0)
Three More Grownup Books
47. Practically Perfect in Every Way by Jennifer Niesslein
I’ve been thinking about happiness since last summer. I’ve read books on happiness and taken notes on happiness and tried out happiness theories.
Jennifer Niesslein has spent the same time and energy on what to me seems like a bigger idea: virtue. Can I become better? she asks herself in this book. Niesslein spends no time attempting to define virtue for the larger society nor does she spend any time plotting out the best ways to become more virtuous. Instead she focuses strictly on trying to improve herself. She spends little time trying to discover the best ways to improve herself, either. She seems, rather, to just pick up and try whatever is closest at hand.
She fails. Yes, she fails, over and over again. She doesn’t become tidier. She doesn’t save money for retirement. She doesn’t lose much weight. Worst of all, she doesn’t become much happier; instead, she becomes filled with anxiety and fear, begins to suffer from panic attacks, and starts sleepwalking. She flat out writes, “It’s hard to change who you are, if it’s possible at all.”
She admits this, but nevertheless seems to find the entire experience worthwhile. When she hit rock bottom, she ran across a guide to Zen. Something in the book helped her. So she leaves us with the thought that it was all worth it.
I am not really sure that Niesslein’s book should be taken as anything more than one person’s adventure with self-help. From the start, she was trying to change too many things too fast using too unfocused a method. Oh well. It is not a book that changed my life, but I did enjoy reading about a person trying to become better even if it was just to publish a book about the process.
50. What Shamu Taught Me About Life, Love, and Marriage by Amy Sutherland
I should have taken notes while I read this book.
Sutherland is sent to write a newspaper article about exotic animal trainers. In the process of writing the article, she realizes that the training techniques of the animal trainers are the same ones we humans use, albeit unconsciously and not very well, on our spouses, our friends, and our children.
This book is Sutherland’s attempt to show how she was able to take the methods of the trainers and purposefully apply them to change situations in her own life.
Is it really that easy?
Well, of course not.
But if Sutherland thinks it has made her a better person, a happier person, than I think it is worth it for me to go back through the book and take notes and try some of these things out.
Here are my notes:
“It’s never the animal’s fault.”
“Train every animal like it’s a killer whale,” as if you can neither move it by force or dominate it.
“Everything with a mouth bites.”
“Reward the behavior you want and ignore the behavior you don’t want.”
“Any interaction is training.”
“Don’t take it personally. See behavior as just behavior.”
“Set your animal up for success.”
“People, like animals, aren’t wired to learn lessons when they are out of sorts.”
“Punishment produces hatred, fear, desire for revenge, aggression, and apathy.”
“Keep your animals happy.”
“If one method of training isn’t working, try another.”
“Least Reinforcing Scenario”
“Incompatible behaviors.”
“Go back to kindergarten.”
52. Blood by Patricia Traxler
My ears perk up when I hear the phrase “my favorite book.”
I just can’t resist reading a book when I hear it is someone’s favorite.
I can easily see the draw of this book. Norrie Blume is involved in a compelling stay-go relationship with a man who has a firm commitment to his wife and children. Norrie also develops two equally compelling relationships with two women, relationships that both satisfy and frustrate her, much like her relationship to the married man. Norrie is an artist; she is able to bring all the joys and difficulties of her life into her paintings. It is fascinating for the reader to watch Norrie paint her joys and difficulties into objects of beauty and horror.
That’s what I liked about the book. But there was much I did not like. I found it difficult to believe that after two years of an affair, the wife never caughts on. Blood was tossed here and there throughout the story, and was often tossed into places that filled me with revulsion. I never saw the attraction of Norrie to the married man. Despite these qualities, I dove into the book and read page after page, hoping for an ending that would draw everything together. This ending did not happen. The ending was very unsatisfactory to me. Everything was left broken. It was not clear how Norrie finally managed to let go of the boyfriend. It was not clear how Norrie’s admirer was finally able to let go of Norrie. The ending felt very jumbled; the ending felt like the author got tired and tried to finish everything up by sewing together all the questions, but not in a way that seemed justified by the story.
1 | Comment (0)Someday This Pain Will Be Useful to You
42. Someday This Pain Will Be Useful to You by Peter Cameron
It’s summertime and James Sveck is all set to go to Brown in the fall. The only problem is that James doesn’t want to go to college. He doesn’t like college students. In fact, he really doesn’t like much of anyone.
His family isn’t much help. His father consents to eating a token lunch with him now and then, but they haven’t much to talk about. His mother has returned abruptly, prematurely, from her honeymoon, distraught, talking of divorce. His sister is acrimonious toward him and spends her time engaging in an affair with a married man.
James finds little in the world to love. He disparages the dog park; his job at this mother’s art gallery; the sole artist who exhibits at the gallery, a man who creates garbage can art; the seminar on American government he was chosen to participate in, which ended in fiasco; his co-worker; even his therapist. James seems horribly ill-at-ease in the world.
The story is just a charmingly told harangue of life by a brilliant teenage misfit who continues to bumble through life, angering and alienating everyone he meets. Only his grandmother knows what to say to him, sharing her wisdom with him, a wisdom that seems to help him move on, to keep stumbling through the pain of life.
The problems James faces are not resolved by the end of the book, but James has acquired a perspective that this too shall pass. Somehow James manages to go away to college. Hope is seen when James keeps the houseful of possessions his grandmother leaves to him, not sure what he might need in the future.
1 | Comment (0)Listening is an Act of Love
Listening is what I did in my job at the Census Bureau. I loved that job. I loved listening to the stories of people. People are good, I discovered, much better than you’d think from the media.
This was a book of everyday stories, the stories of people’s lives. It was taken from the project created after 9/11 of traveling around the country and asking people to tell their stories.
I can’t wait for book two.
1 | Comment (0)
